Even in my most confident seasons I sometimes have to stop and remind myself of who God says I am. You see 6 years ago I found my true identity, which lies in Christ. Ever since then he has been pulling back layers, revealing to me who I am in him. With every layer I become more confident, more fierce, and full of tenacity. But sometimes God begins to move you into a new season. New Seasons are not always easy, and we have found it takes a very sensitive in tune spirit to hear from God at these times of what seem to be like were in the eye of a hurricane. In the eye of the hurricane its calm, but watching Gods mighty hand at work around us is sometimes scary. Being sensitive to his voice, like I mentioned before requires time reading his word, and in worship surrounded by his presence. Woah, hold up!! I know what your thinking. Who really has time for that when in the middle of a 150 mph, my life is crazy hurricane? Who has time to be still and wait on the Lord?
You see, I’m not a patient person by nature. My spiritual mother fondly refers to me as a “goer”, always on the move. You know, like the energizer bunny that keeps going and goin and going. At least that is until I crash into my husband whom quickly puts me in neutral. My husband, he’s a “waiter”. You know, like he’s just waiting on the second coming of Christ kind of waiter. He will sit and simmer on something until the Lord speaks clearly, not once, not twice, but it needs to be at least three times, and sometimes he needs a sign from heaven to come and hit him on the head. I’m not sure waiter has a definition that matches my description, but it should be, and with my husbands picture next to it in the dictionary. I do believe God was laughing when he was planning out putting us together. He’s probably still laughing at me now, I can just seem him sitting up there giggling at me. I’m glad my impatience could be so amusing.
We have been through several season changes together. Through them all God is refining, and reshaping us like gold. It doesn’t always feel good, heck sometimes it really hurts depending on how stubborn you are in the process. By the way, I may or may not have that problem. When he is done though, there’s beauty that emerges from the smoldering ashes that are left. This season we are in now God is working in our hearts preparing us for ministry. He has orchestrated a plan that he hasn’t completed shared with me yet. Which I mean really, didn’t any one tell God that I need to know everything all the time. Once again, it’s a good thing he just laughs at me and keeps doing his thing. I couldn’t handle it all anyways. He has showed us just enough to get my imagination, and the pinterest app going on over time. Well let me tell you, I can spend a lot of hours putting together every detail. This, my friend, caused me massive anxiety! While all of this planning was going on in my head, oh and let’s not forget I was so busy planning that my time with Him and in His presence has dwindled, the enemy was forming his battle plan. During this time of distraction and business I had forgotten the most important thing, the only thing that really matters- Jesus!!! This is when the enemy comes in and tries to still every ounce of confidence, and vision that God has shown you. He is deceptive, and the master of all liars. Because I had not been faithful in my quit time and staying in the presence of my father, the enemy swept right in undetected and turned my fierceness into fear, and my tenacity into weakness. Satan made me start to doubt everything that God had told me. Sometimes when the war is waging in front of you, you cant see it from all the gun smoke. You see this is why being part of a church and in the body of Christ is important: iron always sharpens iron. With the help of some godly friends and prayer we were able to identify the schemes of the enemy quickly before any damage could be done to my identity.
There is only one thing more important to Jesus then the amazing work we can do for him and his kingdom. That one thing is a relationship with us!! He wants time to sit with us and tell us how much he adores us, how every moment we give him is precious in his eyes. He wants us too stop and listen long enough for him to tell us all the wonderful plans he has for our lives, and to let us know exactly who he says we are. He is so faithful to restore any pain or hurt that we deal with, whether self inflicted silliness, or pain inflicted by someone else. He is also a big and mighty God that can part the water for You to make things happen. It will not be hard, he just opens the door, and we just have to walk right through it. Easy peasy-lemon squeezy, as my eight year old daughter would say. I make it sound so simple, but I realize that it is not always that simple. Trusting someone else with our future is not easy. But he has never let me down, in-fact quite often he astounds me with the amazingly perfect timing. He is never early, but he never disappoints when he delivers. And when I leave a trail of crazy behind me, His grace is sufficient and he comes behind me and helps me to pick up the pieces. He is GOOD, all the time!
So who am I? I am confident with Christ, fierce, tenacious, beautiful, and I AM HIS!!!!!